Holidays/Advent

Well goodness gracious! It is hard to believe that it has been 2 months since I last posted! School takes up a lot of my time. Sometimes I thought "oh I should post a blog" but I just couldn't sit behind my computer any longer. Now I find myself tired but unable to fall asleep, so I'm updating you all, whomever you are.
Tomorrow 11/28/10 Is the first Sunday in Advent... I usually love Advent and try my best to keep the holidays centered around Jesus. I have mixed feelings about this Advent Season... 3 reasons:

1st its still weird! Even thought this is the 2nd holiday season since I've been a single mom I still feel bad, lonely, sad, and weird about my Son (N) not seeing his father, and about me being divorced, when I got married I was so ready to plan my own traditions and such, now I'm back with family and am struggling to find our own (just me and N) again.



2nd: I am being laid off from the church where I have worked for the past year. See the funny thing about working in the Church business is that you kind of get attached to people, the order, and the place! I realize the church is going though a tough financial situation and I have no hard feelings for them laying me off, but gosh darn it I'm gonna miss those people! I have learned SO much from serving them, and will use my skills wherever I go, however, because of my current financial situation I have to look for work, and cannot stay and volunteer my time. I pray God will send me another job quickly! This makes me have mixed emotions for the Advent Season because, Advent is the Beginning of the Christian Year, and for me I always attempt to have a strong, close, relational time with God during Advent to give me a fresh start, a clean slate. For me its kind of like New Years Resolutions, only in November/December... SO the fact that I'm getting laid off and that I, more than likely, will not be at this church past the Advent Season it makes it hard to even want to start the Advent season with them.




3rd: The Happy Part about all of this is that ITS ADVENT TIME. Time to understand in a new and fresh way that JESUS WAS BORN A HUMAN INTO THIS WORLD, ALL BECAUSE OF L O V E!! I love Advent, I love Mary and Joseph's story, I love Baby Jesus, I love the decorations, the candles, the food, the music, the lights, the family, AND MOST OF ALL THE L O V E!! I hope that God can pierce through this tough time that I am in and make this Advent season real, true, and meaningful for me and N.

Speaking of N... I'm a little worried, I hope its just a phase, but He is not sleeping well at all. He takes a good 1 hour or longer to fall asleep. He keeps saying he's scared of monsters, and he jumps at every little noise. Then when he finally does fall asleep he wakes up about every 2 hours crying and wanting mommy. I try hard to keep him out of my bed, because he's old enough to sleep on his own. I just am not sure where all of this I'm scared business came from! I wonder if he has nightmares? I wonder if he has the same nightmare and thats why he doesn't like to fall asleep? I posted this on Facebook a few nights ago and got some great advice from other mothers, I'm going to try their remedy's one by one, hopefully by then we'll be over this phase! Right now he is asleep on his mattress at the foot of my bed, and the hallway light is on... I feel bad that he doesn't feel safe, and we are both tired of not sleeping through the night!




So if you think of it, pray for mommy and N that we find a new job, and that we sleep through the night again!

HAPPY ADVENT!!

~B

Update!

Well a whole lot has happened since I last posted about a month ago!!!

This shall be a short explaination of what all happened...

First things first, the Divorce was finalized and child support was set in motion!

This included me driving 9 hours down to Dallas and then a 12 hour drive back (with a long overnight "nap" after 8hours) back to KC. I cried a lot, I screamed a lot, I prayed a lot. Even though both of us signed and agreed to the divorce decree months ago (back in may) One of us had to appear in court, for whatever reason my ex decided he wasn't going to appear as the court wanted him to, so I had to make the drive. No big deal IT IS OVER! I am moving on and I FEEL SO FREE!! this really helped me getting out of my PIT!! (see previous blogs for explaination:This drive also allowed me to listen to the rest of my book "get out of that Pit" by Beth Moore! How wonderful that book really is to people who are just stuck in a rut) OH and I changed my name back to my maiden name Rebecca Mulford!!

Second: Classes started for the fall sememster at St. Paul School of Theology! I am taking 9 credit hours: Preaching, Worship, and Process Theology. Lots of reading and paper writing!! So far the classes are great and I love my professors...ask me again come december and you might have a different story! lol!



and Finally:
Nate and I celebrated our birthdays!! Nate turned 3 on the 18th! and I turned 28 on the 21st! I threw a party at my place for Nate and I celebrated my day by attending class and doing homework WHOOP!




And thats about all for now! Hopefully I'll get the chance to post again before another month passes...only time will tell!! Now I must jet off to class!!

PEACE
~B

MAKE SOME NOISE

MAKE SOME NOISE!

This is Beth Moore's steps to get out of a pit. She has 3 ways to get out of a pit. Before I get to the three steps she says that we as Christians have tried to get out of pits for a long time, however we tend to not go all the way. We as Christians know that we have sins that we need to confess and most of us are a complete different person Mon-Sat than we are on Sunday. She also said that until we get some real help, then there is no hope for us. No matter how many times we go to the alter and ask for God's forgiveness and cry and weep and feel bad about ourselves we won't get out of our pits, until we tap into HIS ultimate power.


3 steps out of the pit: they all start with our mouth (hint the title 'make some noise')
1. Cry out: Psalm 40 (read it on your own right now...biblegateway) the pit dewllers deliverance begins with a cry...not just tears..."nothing weeps more copiously than a chunk of ice". We can cry our eyes out over the pain of our situation and still refuse to change.

IT ALL BEGINS WITH A CRY FROM THE DEEPEST PART OF YOUR SOUL aiming your cry toward heaven! No random ear will do, CRY towards GOD who CAN change all things...God has countless time heard the cry of his people. Psalm 72:12, Psalm 106:44-45, Psalm 9:9-12, Psalm 116:1-2, Psalm 3:4... the process starts with OUR CRY! (yes go and read each and every one of those examples they bring hope!)

You can cry out loud and demonstratively or you can do it laying on the ground making no sound at all except for groans that only the Holy Spirit can decipher. However you do it, just do it, and mean it, if you don't have it, if your mouth is too dry from the pain ask God to give you what it takes to cry out to the One and Only God that can deliver you.

CRY OUT TO GOD!! AND CONTINUE TO CRY OUT TO HIM day in and day out CRY OUT TO HIM!

Steps two and three will have to wait until tomorrow because I need to go home and do some crying out! Step two is confess and step three is consent... I'll dig into those tomorrow.

MAKE SOME NOISE TO GOD THE TRUE DELIVERER!!

Fell Off

OUCH!
I FEEL OFF MY 40 DAY PUSH!

ugh I got off track! I can't believe its been 6 days since I've read a piece of my book or even thought about blogging!

The sad thing is that my life right now is not as near as stressful as it was a few weeks ago! OH MAN! I hate to see what happens when school starts back up again.

Well gotta dust myself off and bounce back!

2 weeks...2 weeks from today school starts...I've got 2 weeks 14 days to get a system in place and stick to it! I cannot afford financially, emotionally or spiritually to keep going like I have...I NEED MORE ORDER!!

ON the upside tho, I did start reading for this upcoming semester! I have to say that I am quite intrigued with my classes this semester... I have Intro to Preaching...Intro to Worship and Process Theology... I'm especially looking forward to the Process Theology class, not only do I like to Prof but its got some good stuff!!

Well hopefully I can get a chance to read the next chapter today...who knows today might be a 2 blog kinda day.

~B

Get out of that Pit day 11

GET OUT OF THAT PIT

Chapter 5: You can't get out alone, but you can get out!! The trouble comes when we seek a human deliverer instead of a supernatural deliverer. A human may be able to help us get out for a bit, but not forever. God may have raised up great human leaders like Moses and Joseph, however the nation eventually still defaulted to its old pattern. For example the Old Testament is full of stories about how Israel always went back and did things that were not good in God's eyes even after they had guidance from a Godly leader. I have had a few great leaders too! I still feel deeply grateful for their life advice and love that they have showed me, but they are not God. I cannot depend on human will to get me out of these pits. People simply can't be divine! People can help us but that can't heal us, people can lift us but they can't carry us. Nor can they set our feet upon a rock. When we come out of a pit if we think we are stable on the human shoulders we will stumble and fall sometimes deeper than before.

PIT DWELLING IS A STATE OF MIND!!!

Only God can hang with us through the length and depth of our need, ONLY God can hang with us through the length and depth of our bologna! Not only is God omniscient but his word is sharper than a double edge sword cutting through our bologna! Knowing all we feel, all we are, all we know and all we hide God overflows with love and willingness to deliver us! Isaiah 30 says...the Lord LONGS to be gracious to you he rises to show you compassion!!

TRUE DELIVERY TAKES TIME and some TITANIC EFFORT and more patience than the best of people posses. I need a strong arm and a LONG arm. 2 Corinthians 1:10 HE HAS DELIVERED US, HE WILL DELIVER US ON HIM WE HAVE SET OUR HOPE THAT HE WILL CONTINUE TO DELIVER US!

THAT IS MY LIFETIME WARRANTY! YES JESUS!!

I PARAPHRASED MOST of what I just wrote from her book. Lord Jesus KNOWS that I needed to hear it all! It makes me feel SO good to know that GOD LONGS TO BE GRACIOUS TO ME AND TO SHOW ME COMPASSION!!

GOD this emotional pit that I have been in during my last marriage and even know that I am out of that marriage, I need help! I need for you God to remind me of who I am in You!! This pit of laziness, procrastination and un-organization God, I need your help! I don't know how to do it all, I need God for you to give me some HOLY energy and guidance!! This pit of unhealthy eating God I need you! I need you to take control over the eating desires in my mind and body and allow me to give you control over what I like most...food! God I need you!! I need you, I cannot do it without you!!! Thank You Jesus ~Amen~

Get OUT of that Pit day 9

Okay so I haven't posted in a week, but I have been keeping up with my 40 day push to get out of this pit. I think I've realized that I'm in two pits at one time. I'm in an emotional pit one that has allowed me to accept wrong images of me from other people, instead of living in the joy and image of my Creator. The other is a pit of laziness, un-organization, and procrastination. This pit is the pit that has spilled over into my jobs and have created the desire to seek God with all that I have to get out! I hate letting people down on the job, especially when I know the job is something that I want and like to do. This pit is also the pit that requires the most amount of labor! My House was a mess! I mean a disaster! Piles of dirty laundry covering my hallway, piles of clean laundry covering my couches. Dirty dishes, and overflowing trashcans. I spent 3 entire days cleaning, and doing laundry. I have a clean house now!!! I am out of that dirty pit that I was living in...however now the rest of the work comes into play I MUST get more organized and disciplined so I don't slip back into that pit! How do I get more organized and disciplined, I have no idea, other than to just do it. As I do this I'm attempting to get Nate into the habit of picking up after himself. I hope it catches on soon. I feel full of hope that I can get organized and disciplined, I just need to stick with it! Ask me next week how I'm doing...!!

I just finished chapter 3 it seemed to be long...I'm about to read chapter 4. The title of Chapter 4 is "Get out of that Pit" not very original but I hope to receive a word of encouragement.

I'll post again tomorrow!!

~BecK~

Pit Dwelling Day 2

Pit Dwelling

In day two of the book, I read about two things, one was that sometimes we can take our pits with us wherever we go. She used the example of a family who lived in their mobile home for years, all of them just slept, ate, showered, etc, in there small mobile home. One day a home with a room for each child a spacious kitchen, and more yard space than they needed was given to them, and instead of getting out of their mobile home and moving into their new home, they just drove their mobile home right straight into the living room taking out a few walls on the way. All of their cramped living spaces, and mobile home smells came into their new home just as fast as they did, and became a permanent fixture in their living room! What a mental picture! This is SO true for me! I didn't really understand it until I read this...a quote from her journal (pg 9).

"No matter where we go, a pit can always fit. On any path we can spin our wheels and throw mud until we dig a ditch right into the middle of an otherwise decent job or relationship. Soon our hearts sink with the dismal realization that we're no better off in our new situation. The scenery around us may have changed, but we're still living in that same old pit. We start scrambling to figure out how we're going to dump an unpleasant person or position when the real solution may be to dump that pit we dragged in."

Everywhere I've been, and every relationship I have been in I think that Ive brought bitterness and un-forgiveness, and dis-order, with me. These items coming from way back as far as my childhood. And it means that Ive got some forgiveness to do, and some bitterness to let go of! It also means that I have to work at bringing order to my house, and by that I mean stop thinking i'm a college student and start acting like I'm an adult, my house won't clean its self, my trash won't go out its self, and my laundry will only pile up unless I bite the bullet and just do it! I feel that once I get some order to my house then I will feel less stressed and that will lead to less depression, and less chaos! WHOA! Thats a lot, but now I see it!!!!! and BOY do I WANT OUT OF THIS PIT!!!


The second thing I learned was about the three different ways you can get into a pit, 1. you can get thrown in, meaning something tragic can place you in a pit even when you didn't cause it. 2. you can slip into a pit, you can walk that fine line and just one day find yourself slipping into the pit. and 3. you can jump into the pit, you can chose to jump into a pit, not sure how all of those happen, but I do know that I think I've been a victim to all three ways of being in a pit. Yea I said it, I think i've been thrown in, slipped in, and jumped into a pit at one point and time in my life. Does that mean I like it? NO! Does that mean I want to do it again? NO! Does that mean that I got comfortable in my pit(s)? Probably...

I cannot wait to read more about how to get out of my pit and how I can keep myself from getting into future pits. Until then I will continue to work on getting my life less chaotic and more under control and clean!

~Beck~