Tomorrow 11/28/10 Is the first Sunday in Advent... I usually love Advent and try my best to keep the holidays centered around Jesus. I have mixed feelings about this Advent Season... 3 reasons:
1st its still weird! Even thought this is the 2nd holiday season since I've been a single mom I still feel bad, lonely, sad, and weird about my Son (N) not seeing his father, and about me being divorced, when I got married I was so ready to plan my own traditions and such, now I'm back with family and am struggling to find our own (just me and N) again.
2nd: I am being laid off from the church where I have worked for the past year. See the funny thing about working in the Church business is that you kind of get attached to people, the order, and the place! I realize the church is going though a tough financial situation and I have no hard feelings for them laying me off, but gosh darn it I'm gonna miss those people! I have learned SO much from serving them, and will use my skills wherever I go, however, because of my current financial situation I have to look for work, and cannot stay and volunteer my time. I pray God will send me another job quickly! This makes me have mixed emotions for the Advent Season because, Advent is the Beginning of the Christian Year, and for me I always attempt to have a strong, close, relational time with God during Advent to give me a fresh start, a clean slate. For me its kind of like New Years Resolutions, only in November/December... SO the fact that I'm getting laid off and that I, more than likely, will not be at this church past the Advent Season it makes it hard to even want to start the Advent season with them.
3rd: The Happy Part about all of this is that ITS ADVENT TIME. Time to understand in a new and fresh way that JESUS WAS BORN A HUMAN INTO THIS WORLD, ALL BECAUSE OF L O V E!! I love Advent, I love Mary and Joseph's story, I love Baby Jesus, I love the decorations, the candles, the food, the music, the lights, the family, AND MOST OF ALL THE L O V E!! I hope that God can pierce through this tough time that I am in and make this Advent season real, true, and meaningful for me and N.
Speaking of N... I'm a little worried, I hope its just a phase, but He is not sleeping well at all. He takes a good 1 hour or longer to fall asleep. He keeps saying he's scared of monsters, and he jumps at every little noise. Then when he finally does fall asleep he wakes up about every 2 hours crying and wanting mommy. I try hard to keep him out of my bed, because he's old enough to sleep on his own. I just am not sure where all of this I'm scared business came from! I wonder if he has nightmares? I wonder if he has the same nightmare and thats why he doesn't like to fall asleep? I posted this on Facebook a few nights ago and got some great advice from other mothers, I'm going to try their remedy's one by one, hopefully by then we'll be over this phase! Right now he is asleep on his mattress at the foot of my bed, and the hallway light is on... I feel bad that he doesn't feel safe, and we are both tired of not sleeping through the night!
So if you think of it, pray for mommy and N that we find a new job, and that we sleep through the night again!
HAPPY ADVENT!!
~B
